I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
