I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
