the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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