Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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