bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
