So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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