fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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