i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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