you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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