You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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