Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
