open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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