i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
