i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
