I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize