So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
