i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
