My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
