i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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