my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
