College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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