i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
