Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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