I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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