how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
