another moral hangover. fuck.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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