wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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