I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
