you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
