im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The adults are the big ones right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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