I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
