Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
