i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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