My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
