Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
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Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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