Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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