Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
