but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
