I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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