Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I just sharted jello shots
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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