If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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