I'm going to jail i love you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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