is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
