he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
