i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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