we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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