i already hear my dad disowning me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
