Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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