nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
