For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
