Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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