I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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