Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
