I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
