This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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