I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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