I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
