Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
