My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
