I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
