On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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